It was a dream
by supermariolover56
Summary: He loses control. His anger takes control of his mind and he does the unthinkable. After being rejected and avoided by his brothers, a drug is found, leading Raphael down the path of inescapable fate. Or did this even happen?


It was a dream

I do not own anything TMNT or any of the characters

He loses control. His anger takes control of his mind and he does the unthinkable. After being rejected and avoided by his brothers, a drug is found, leading Raphael down the path inescapable fate. He could be cured. But how long will it be before he's dubbed; "Too late to be saved"? Or did this even happen?

Another nightly outing going its usual way, just with unsuspected results. A stab wound perched right below his shoulder, and a deep cut made its home on the side of his neck. It wasn't enough for him to bleed to death or cause any real harm, it was just open. And painful. Raphael stumbled into Donatello's lab, praying a silent thank you for his brother not actually being in room. Raphael limped sluggishly to the nearest table, sighing loudly in relief as he leaned heavily against it, the pressure finally easing from his sliced leg. The turtle in red slid down the drawers of the table, his breathing uneven from the pain of his wounds, and allowed his mind to wander. There was a lot more of him that was in more pain than his injuries. His heart hurt more than he could imagine. No matter what he did, nothing could ease the ail that clutched his heart. His brothers have been completely avoiding him. Dodging him at anytime he would try come near them. Their behaviour wasn't for no reason. No. He deserved the treatment he was receiving from them. After all, he had suffocated his own baby brother just for a mindless prank. Ever since that day, Raphael began to, purposely, slice his hands. Deep cuts littered both of his appendages, leaving scars that will forever remain, and continue to remind him of what he had done and continue his punishment. Now that he thought about it, every injury he had every gotten he deserved. Subconsciously taking his trusty Sai in his grasp, he stuck the very point of his razor sharp weapon at the palm, dug in harshly, then dragged it slowly to the tip of his finger. Raphael held a dull expression as blood poured from his self-inflicted wound. His brothers were severely oblivious to the fact that he had been doing this. They refused to even go near him to find out anyway. The emerald brothers beautiful golden orb eyes closed slowly in misery. Yes. he would do this for his brothers; repay them for everything he had done. Actually managing to kill Michelangelo, the constant verbal abuse to Leonardo, and showing nothing but disrespect to Donatello. Time passed, and the wounds on Raphael's neck and hand began to bleed profusely. He didn't care to try and stop it though.  
"Oh, Mikey. M' so sorry. I love ya baby bro."  
His mind then became numb and his vision went black.

The next day approached quickly. The sun shined brightly over the city, glass gleaming heavenly from the reflection of the beautifully beaming sunrise. Leonardo opened his forest green lids slowly, revealing two shining bright brown eyes that coloured themselves in the suns LED beam. The eldest brother laid on his soft fluff filled mattress, the heaviest and coziest of blankets covered his entire body, his head barely sticking our from the cloud like dream. G-d, he loved saturdays, especially at Aprils apartment. Then it was possible to see the entire city and all of its glory. Even the sea could be spotted since their human friend lived so high up. They had been there for nearly two weeks, and bless April's heart, did anything she could to provide them with anything she could. After hearing about what happened, that is. Leonardo sighed lightly in pleasure as the cool breeze from the open window blew across his face. It was still early in the morning, around 6:30 or so. Very early. The time the blue clad brother normally awoke, he just wasn't planning on actually getting up for a while. An odd feeling suddenly shot through his head, causing a frown to form on his face almost immediately. Raphael. Something wasn't right. He could feel it. Something was wrong. No! Forget it. Raphael deserved nothing from any of them any longer. After what he had done to Michelangelo, he wasn't worth their love. His protection. Michelangelo refused to give him any more attention. And Donatello, he just..couldn't with Raphael any longer. Their red clad brothers temper had been flaring for unknown reasons for a while now. None of then knew why, but he had become more and more impatient and steamed as everyday passed. And after one small prank that Michelangelo pulled, a prank so tiny, such as hitting Raphael with a pillow immediately after the hot head woke up, he snapped. He shot up and squeezed their baby brother's throat so viciously and with so much force, it had killed Michelangelo in an instant. They had managed to safe the youngest's life, which was a blessing. But instead of waking up sad and afraid, anger radiated off of Michelangelo like the sun. In fact, all three of them were beyond enraged. Michelangelo and Donatello were not ones to worry about with anger. there both just not those kinds of people...or turtles. Raphael may have a strong temper, but its simply dangerous if you trigger Leonardo's anger. Being leader, his patience was tried daily. No matter what it was. He had to try and keep a calm mind or he would simply loose it. Leonardo shook his head against his pillow. Whatever is wrong with Raphael, he didn't care. He didn't care what was wrong with that monster. And it doesn't make it any better since they had to go back to him in a few hours.

He was numbed. Everything. His mind, his head, his neck, his shoulder, his hands, his entire body was numb, pained and void. His emotions only tagged and stuck to sadness, confusion, and depression. His brothers hated him, and he knew it. Two of them had already said it to his face, leaving an emotional and physical scar. He had let both of his brothers pent their anger out and attack him, Leonardo doing nothing to stop either of them, but did nothing to endure in harming him as well. He had laid out on the cold ground, beaten and bruised horribly before they all just decided to go to aprils house. The only thing they left him with was an ice pack and a thin blanket. The red clad turtle didn't bother to use either of them. He was hurting so much. There was nothing he could do to ease this pain and there was no way he could tell Splinter, because one, he ain't no snitch. Two, Splinter was gone on a 5 month trip with the Ancient one. So he was all alone. Tears began to slip down Raphael's emerald cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. He had no more fire left. No more soul. It had disappeared along with his beloved brothers.  
"Oh, Raphie. You don't have to suffer this much longer."  
Using energy he didn't even know he had, Raphael shot up from his position on the floor, hissing loudly from the stretch of his wound by the dried blood and exudate. But to his surprise, no one was in the lab with him, yet he heard a voice. He flinched hard as a soft hand gripped his cheek, gasping as a soft kiss was left on his forehead. Raphael's eyes enlarged greatly at the sight of what seemed to be...him. Dull golden eyes, dilated alarmingly, rimmed with an unhealthy colour of dark red stared back at the emerald turtle, only causing him to study all of his...counterpart. His once emerald coloured skin was now a horrible grey green. His muscles mass was almost completely gone and his hands were shaking horribly as sweat poured down his face and neck. Vicious scratch marks littered his arms and legs, and multiple syringe holes covered his neck. under the dulled eyes were the darkest of circles he had ever seen. It looked like his counterpart hadn't slept in years! Raphael blinked in disbelieve, scanning every inch of his twins body. As awful as he appeared, his expression told otherwise. He looked...elated. He looked so happy.  
"Thaz righ', Raph. Im so happy now. All of the pain that our brothahs have left in our hearts is completely gone. And it waz all because...of dis."  
Raphael gazed heavily at the large syringe held in his twins badly shaking grasp. It had a greenish-purplish substance inside, exposing a black content mixed in.  
"Take it, Raphie. I promise, everythin' in life. Is right in here."  
The pale twin tapped his trembling finger against the glass of the needle, a loving smile held on his face.  
"If you take this, y'll never again feel; hunger, sadness, thirst, exhaustion, PAIN. The only thing y'll feel is happiness. The happiness you've always wanted. An' it'll only get bettah if ya continue ta take it."  
At this point, Raphael had the syringe held tightly in his palm, shaking with excitement, a hopeful smile spread across his face.  
"W-where do I...like..insert it?"  
The pale twin moved himself closer to the turtle in red, pulling him in his arms. Raphael was shocked for a short moment. It was strange, he had to admit, being embraced by..himself. But, his grasp was so...comforting, so warm. He hadn't felt this kind of love for so long. With very little hesitation, Raphael threw his arms around his counterpart, burying his face in the crook of its neck. The counterpart kissed the right side of Raphael's neck before taking the syringe from his hand and holding it up to the deep cut on the left side.  
"Now bare wit me, Raphie. This may hurt a bit at firs', but it'll get betta." With that, the counterpart quickly jabbed the needle of the syringe into the deep wound, squeezing the substance inside and tightened his grip as Raphael cried out in unbearable pain. The red clad turtle dug his face deeper into the crook of his twins neck, screaming loudly as the burn became too much.  
"Shh...Raphie...shh. Iz ok. It'll stop."  
"Ahh...ahh.."  
A smile began to form on Raphael's face as the chemical began to sink into his system, filling any holes he had of not eating or drinking anything for the five weeks. The pain in his neck, hands, and leg began to fade to nothing. But best of all, the dread, the sadness and hurt in his heart filled with pure happiness. His eyes dilated to the point where the gold wasn't even seen. His breathing turned into quick pants as the adrenaline rushed too quickly through his entire body. His heart beat increased rapidly as sweat began to pour from his brows. His arms tightened hard around his counterpart, both of them sharing the same smile. Elated happiness. The counterpart began to stroke the back of Raphael's head, whispering lightly into his ear as the red clad ninjas vision began to blur dangerously.  
"Da first time would be a shock to ya system, Raphie. You won' be able to stay awake the firs' time. But don' worry. It'll get bettah. I promise."  
Raphael was leaned heavily against his twins plastron, his mind too chemically drugged to notice that they were now in a laying position.  
"Er you r'l?"  
The counterpart chuckled lovingly at the slur stuck in the emerald turtles voice, before placing another loving kiss on Raphael's forehead.  
"M'real if ya want me to be."  
The immediate eldest turtle lifted his head, digging his face in the counterparts chest.  
"Don' go. M'so alone."  
"I won' leave ya, Raphie." I promise I won' leave ya."  
Adrenaline from the substance ran too quickly through Raphael's veins. Gasping in slight pain and surprise, his body went completely lax, and his light disappeared.

********  
"Ahh! Home, sort of sweet, home."Michelangelo happily pranced into the lair entrance, his trade-marked smile placed upon his features. Donatello entered into the lair with his calm personality clearly showing. The purple clad brother had a face of calm reassurance as he emerged into the living room.  
"It is quite nice to be back home after fourteen great days. Or more like sixteen since we stayed two days longer than we were supposed to. Except, its been so nice topside, it was kind of a hard decision to come back home. "  
Michelangelo shrugged cluelessly, instinctively making his way into the kitchen. Donatello's head followed his brother with a smile, knowing full well how often his little brother would go into the kitchen, even if he had just finished eating.  
"Mike, you just ate something before we left April's. Your telling me your still hungary?"  
"Actually, I didn't eat anything before we left April's crib. was too busy playing her PS4 bro. But YOU, on the other hand, shouldn't be very hungary. After all.."  
Michelangelo popped his head out of the entrance of the kitchen, a sandwich in hand, and an annoying, oothy smile spread across his face.  
"April's tounge was your meal."  
Donatello blushed wildely at hearing his brothers words, shooting him a death glare. Michelangleo's only response was a loud chuckle as he made his way to sit next to his immediate eldest brother, chewing his sandwich loudly. A book was held casually in Donatello's hand. The purple clad brother stared at Michelangelo in confusion, grimacing inwardly at the obnoxious bites he took. After a few seconds, Donatello groaned as he got to his feet and began to make his way towards the remote control. It had been a while since he had seen a good show. About a week, and he would love to catch up with his stories. Donatello sat down with a sigh as he switched on the TV, placing the remote ontop of his thigh, and opened the book with a content look. Michelangleo's crystal blue eyes were hooded with boredom as he took the remote and flipped through the channels. Donatello shot a quick glare at his brother, but it quickly disappeared as he remembered; what he wanted to watch didn't come on for another hour or so.  
"Hey Don, where Leo be done is?"  
Donatello kept his eyes fixated on his book, yet raised his brow at Michelangelo's odd grammar.  
"He said that he was going to stay at April's for-"  
Before the olive green ninja could finish his explination, the raggety doors of the lair elevators opened, revealing a tired and extremely anxious looking Leonardo. both younger brothers stared at their eldest brother with a hint of concern. the forest green turtle, for sure, wasn't looking that way when they left April's. Donatello was the first to break the silence between the three siblings as Leonardo shakily lowered himself into the nearest chair.  
"Umm...Leo? Are you ok, big brother?"  
Leonardo still continued to stare blankly at the stone floor, completely oblivious to what Donatello had said. Something really wasn't right. The feeling that continued to build within his mind and heart was becoming more and more concerning each minute. The eldest knew the feeling had something to do with Raphael, but he just didn't know what could be wrong. As angry as he was at his red clad brother, the feeling kept getting worse and worse, and only concern was clouding his emotions. Leonardo was scared. Raphael..something was happening to him. A burning sensation began to form in the left side of the eldests neck. His breathing began to pick up rapidly as more and more seconds went by. Sweat fell form the eldests forehead, and painful adrenaline ran through his veins. Leonardo's eyes enlarged as the horrible feeling got stronger. It felt as if too many things were happening at once. He felt like he was about to be terribly sick. He couldn't breathe! Something was wrong! 'Raph! No!'  
"LEO!"  
Leonardo jumped hard as he was knocked form his thoughts. His breathing hadn't died down much, but the adrenaline, the burning sensation, everything had suddenly disappeared. What the heck was that all about? What was that just now? Donatello and Michelangelo were both kneeled in front of the overly stressed older brother. Michelangelo had a hand placed gently over his Leonardo's shoulder. What their brother just did scared the living crap out of both of them.  
"Leo, what's wrong? What happened?"  
Leonardo closed his eyes slowly as hsi usual calm began to seep back into his body. His breathing came in deep, slow heaves as he wiped his face of any remaining sweat.  
" Yea. I'm sorry guys, I just...something's just..."  
G-d! that was the worst feeling he ahd ever experienced in his entire life. Wa..was that his baby brother was feeling right now? But, that wasn't any form of normal emotion expression. It couldn't be stood anymore. He hated the fact that he had ever treated Raphael the way he did. He despised the fact that he had ever let the words ' I hate you' come out of his mouth straight to his brothers face. Yet, he had badly injured Michelangelo. Their youngest. Their sunshine. Leonardo shook his head as mixed feelings formed a pounding headache. The eldest hsook his head and sighed in agony as he stood and began to walk away from his two confused little brothers. Not even looking back, Leonardo disappeared into the darkness of the hallways, leaving Donatello and Michelangelo with concerned and hurt hearts.

Raphael laid sprawled across their enormous bathroom floor, his happiest smile held on his face. That substance. That substance was so beautiful. It did wonders for him. He took that substance just about every hour of the day. And since one dose for one hour did so much for him, he couldn't help but to just keep taking it. It had been five o'clock since he took his last dosage, and he wanted to be sure that he was very sharp on time in taking his...medicine. Other than his...counterpart, he would even start considering it the only family he had. It was 5:56 now, and Raphael was anxiously awiating the last four minutes to be over so he could feel that almost arousing, bruning sensation flow through his entire body. Inviding his mind, his heart, his nerves, his emotions...G-d, he couldn't wait. the effects of his last hour dosage were still going ultimately strong. There was still an extreme blur in his vision. Whenever he spoke, it was slurred awfully. His hands still shook violently. Sweat would drip down his face in less in less portions due to the lack of water or any sort of liquid, yet it would still try to drip. the dialtion of his eyes were becoming more and more alarming. But the red clad ninja didn't see it that way. At all. He saw it as another sign of his undying happiness.  
But what Raphael loved the most, was the adrenaline rush. It was so amazing. The adrenaline would push through his veins like water. It would calm his muscles and completely fog his brain, leaving him in this world of stars and lights. When the adrenaline came through, it would come fast and painful, which he loved the most about it. But he mainly loved what state it left him in. Suddenly, his counterparts voice shot through his fogged out mind.  
"Raphie, itz time ta take anotha dosage."  
Raphale chuckles loudly as he weakly pumped his fist into the air.  
"Yes."  
The red clad ninjas counterpart seemd to appear out of nowhere. But not to Raphael. He was always there with him. His twin promised he would never leave him alone. And so far, he definately had his trust. Raphael moaned loudly in pure pleasure and happiness, not caring, or having the mind to care, as he felt the substance run through body. His counterpart still had his loving and caring smile held to his features, stroking Raphale's arm as the substance took its course. The red clad ninja gripped his counterparts shell tightly, his back arching sharply at the unmistakeable pleasure.  
"Ahh..yes..mmm..yes..mo'e..I want mo'e..please!"  
The counterpart chuckled understandingly at Raphael's begging.  
"I know, Raphie. Ya gonna want alotta dis stuff injected inta ya. Bu' ya gotta keep ya mind somewha' clea' so ya know not to take so much uh dis. K?"  
Raphael shifted his body so his arms were wrapped tightly around his counterparts waist.  
"M'k."  
The twin pulled Raphael up, and held him tightly to its chest.  
"Yer doin' a good job, Raphie. Ya've ben takin' dis fer quite a while now, and I c'n tell ya bodies gotten use' ta how it works."  
Raphael didn't respond. Only held on tightly to his loving counterpart. His twin was the big brother that the red clad turtle, so badly, wanted back. But, through his ultra hazed thoughts, Raphale couldn't register the hard footsteps of one of his...brothers? Before he could even react, the door was flung open harshly, revealing his youngest brother. Michelangelo. It was a long moment of hard staring, and flat silence. Michelangelo didn't notice a thing different about his brother at the moment. Or was too blinded by anger to care. And it only pissed him off more as he kept his hard glare on the stupid smile Raphale would't wipe off his face. Michelangelo snorted in disgust at the sight of what, his anger mind, thought to be his normal appearing brother and stepped aside so he was no longer blocking the entrance. Using his coldest voice, Michelangelo pointed outside of the bathroom door, his head pointed towards the floor.  
"Get outta here, Raphael. Now."  
Raphale shakily stood up from his spot on the floor, the smile still on his face as his arms and eyes began to twitch, the blur becoming even worse.  
"Ye' don' w'rry' m'key...m'gnna go."  
Michelangelo's glare turned into a slightly shocked gaze as he shot his head up to stare in the direction his immediate older brothers voice had come fromThe way he had just responded back to him..the slur was...so strong. He simply let it pass, again twisting his barely shocked gaze to another hateful glare. Michelangelo hadn't bothered to switch on the light, not wanting, at all, to burn his eyes from the sight of his "brothers" face. Yet, the turtle in orange was severely oblivious to how his brother truly appeared. Raphael continued to fall back to the cold ground, trying desperately to stand so he wouldn't upset his brother anymore than he had. His terribly trembling hands not making it any easier. The severe lack of food, hydration, sleep, exercise; it was all hitting home with him. Raphael's mind couldn't tell what was wrong. According to his brain, he was perfectly healthy. Nothing was wrong. His body, deeply, told otherwise. His once large, and firm muscles were completely gone. His skin was the worst case of grey green. His legs were basically sticks, loose skin from his calves slightly hanging out, no longer attached to any form of meat or muscle. His eyes were dilated dangerously, a dark red rim bordering the once beautiful fire filled golden souls. Also refusing to stay in one spot, his eyes shot in every direction of the room, like some kind of cornered animal. His breathing came in deep, silent gasps, chest heaving with much efforts. He was in a horrible state. But, as awful and unhealthy as he obviously appeared, his brain told him there wad NOTHING wrong. That he still had his beautiful body, and his fire still burned. That he was happy. Michelangelo scowled hatefully before storming off, leaving a struggling Raphael all alone. Once again.

Leonardo slouched heavily in the hard kitchen chair. His head rested lazily upon his palm as he searched through his music. More like Michelangelo's music. Both of his little brothers had suggested for him to "take the edge off." How could he do that though? And when he told them that he was worried about Raphael, both had heartlessly said; "he was worried over a pile of nothing." Those words hit him hard. They were speaking about their own brother. The brother that had protected all and loved all of them for the past 17 years that had came. Raphael had always been there to protect each of them from any nightmares, enemies. Even themselves sometimes. Leonardo has the most famous ability to be able to stress, panic, and worry constantly. He suffered a slight issue with anxiety attacks, and would gave them every now and then if the stress and worry became too much. Raphael wasn't exactly the most physical affectionate kind of person. But, if it were a dire situation, he would wrap the distressed brother in a warmth filled embrace, filled with so much love that even Michelangelo couldn't let off. He gave those kind of embraces to Leonardo the most. Due to the fact that he was prone to worrying, and that was just the most wonderful way to calm him down. As much as he gets on Donatello for all of his nerdy work, he would be the one to be sure the brother in purple got his daily dose of food, sleep, and even free time. He would even allow the young turtle to hang on to him so he could sleep properly. According to Raphael himself, the red clad warrior was Michelangelo's shield. He would protect his baby brother with every last slab of skin he had on him. Raphael would protect his baby brother from nightmares, and completely demolish anything that would even DARE harm him. His anger was, for sure, 95.5% of who he was, but, Raphael, really, did care for all of them, much more than he cared for himself. But after an anger filled incident, Donatello and Michelangelo had both forgotten the real angel inside of their red clad sibling, and now hated every fiber of his being. The eldest sighed heavily as he ran his hand down his face, nearly slamming the music player down to the hard wooden table. How could he deal with this? He hated to see any of his babies so hurt. But the problem was, he hadn't even seen Raphael. He hadn't seen him in over a month. The last he had actual sight of his baby brother was when he, regretfully, shouted those horrible, hate filled words to his face. And Michelangelo wouldn't let neither Leonardo nor Donatello near Raphael, fearing that "what he did to him, could happen to them." So many horrible feelings and stress piles were beginning to drown the eldest brother. The all too familiar feeling of nausea and uneasiness were forming in the pit of his stomach. G-d no. Not again! The anxiety was flooding more and more through his body, starting to become too much. Before the turtle in blue could even realise, he was in the living room on all fours, his chest heaving as he tried to control his breathing. Leonardo ripped of his mask, throwing it across the room as more stress and guilt crashed into him.  
"Dear, G-d. What am I gonna do?"  
Leonardo whispered lightly to the floor, small droplets of sweat dripping around his body. Tears formed at the edge of black pearl eyes, surfacing and spilling hastily, not even bothering to stop them.  
"What am I gonna do?"

A calm grin was placed upon Donatello's features as he traveled along the original path of the non lit hallway. His ordinary coffee cup was held lightly in his grasp as he made his way towards the kitchen. But just before he was about to make it to the entrance, heavy breathing and whispering was heard from there living room. The turtle in purple knew the voice to be his big brother and immediately rushed over to him, only to be met with the sight of Leonardo on his hands and knees, his chest heaving, and sweat dripping from his face and the rest of his body. Donatello carefully placed his cup on a near by table, and gingerly rested his hand on Leonardo's shoulder, nearly flying back when the eldest twitched massively. Leonardo shot his around to gaze wide eyed at Donatello. The purple masked sibling only holding a face of concern.  
"Leo? Are you ok?"  
Leonardo had finely managed to calm himself after a good minute or so before answering.  
"Donnie? I'm confused and...and hurt. But...its not my pain. Its..its, Raph's. I just feel...so out of balance all of the time. I don't understand what could be wrong. What could be wrong with him."  
Donatello lowered his head slightly, guilt bouncing around in his stomach and filling his insides. Leonardo was right, he had been feeling something strange, getting worse everyday. And it did have something to do with Raphael. He couldn't help it. Raphael was his brother. What he did to Michelangelo was a bit out id line. But, that doesn't mean that its not forgivable. Donatello didn't...couldn't hate Raphael. He had done so much for the purple clad warrior. Helped him through nightmares, through his hard times of work, through fights. Raphael's protection wasn't just beautiful, but it was a blessing. Being able to have someone who is always willing to protect you each step of the way was wondrous. Sighing lowly, Donatello lowered himself, so he was sitting next to his brother, his shell leaned agains the worn leather couch.  
"Leo...I wish I could figure out whats happening between the four of us. Mikey isn't even like himself anymore. He..the grudge he's holding is too strong for..Mikey. You know? Mikey is the forgiving loving type, and NEVER holds grudges. The look of pure devastation and obvious self loathing Raph held on his face, once he realised what he had done, was...so uncharacteristic. You could see the tears surface and quickly spill. I felt awful that I had said any of those things that I would never mean. I told him that I hated him...and.."  
Donatello stopped sharply, a huge lump forming painfully in his throat, using everything he had to try and swallow it down. Leonardo was staring at his brother over his shoulder, listening heavily to the words that were spoken.  
"And that I wanted him to die. I never meant what I said that day. And now I feel like; that what I said, might be plagued upon him soon."

"Y-ea, Leo?"  
Leonardo had called both of his little brothers so he could speak to them. The eldest radiated of everything negative there was. Donatello and Michelangelo were both seated on the floor, ready to hear what Leonardo had to say. The eldest stayed silent for quite sometime. His face was buried in his hands, and an occasional sigh was heard here and there. Yet, he still remained silent. Donatello was about to speak, until the eldest hoarse voice rang through.  
"How long is you guys hatred...for your own brother going to course?"  
Now it was the two youngest's turn to spare a sharp wrench of silence. Leonardo's words were clear no doubt. They each had heard every single word spoken, and remained silent. That is; until Michelangelo snorted cockily.  
"Leo. Dude. Whats wrong with you? None of us even care about Raph anymore. Why do you bother to even worry about tha-"  
"BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR BROTHER, WHO YOU EVEN DARE SPEAK SO DISHONOURABLY ABOUT, MICHELANGELO!"  
Donatello flinched at the obvious roar pinched in Leonardo's voice, as Michelangelo had to stand and take a step back, eyes wide.  
"The worst feeling I have ever dealt with continues to come along every. Freaking. Day. And I can no longer hold back the fact that something is wrong with Raphael. Our BROTHER...is slipping away, and all you two can do is sit there, hate and grudge. I've forgiven Raphael. And I won't lie, what he did was wrong, but not unforgivable. If either of you had even a little bit of yourselves left, you would get over your anger. Because THIS..."  
Leonardo stopped for a moment, trying to control his breathing and anger, but it simply failed, and he exploded.  
"THIS IS UNFAIR! RAPHAEL IS ALL ALONE! THE HATE AND BURDEN WE ALL PLAGUED UPON HIM IS TOO HEAVY FOR HIM TO CARRY BY HIMSELF! OR AT ALL!"  
Leonardo snatched a vase from a nearby table, throwing and smashing it to pieces on the stone, freezing floor. Donatello and Michelangelo both practically flew back as the glass pieces were flung in different directions, some even flying towards them. Leonardo began to walk towards them, livid energy written all over his face, the two youngest backing up, fear entering their hearts.  
"So when you even go and DARE to say, that we DON'T care about our brother, Michelangelo, that gets me a bit concerned."  
Donatello and Michelangelo both were trapped. Stuck in between a corner and a hard place, terrified to face their eldest brothers wrath. The pure vexation clear in their brothers voice, sent painful shivers up both of their spines. His black pearl eyes presenting twice that rage. And it didn't make it any better once Leonardo knocked over a table with so much force, causing wood and more glass to fly everywhere. The eldest was about to explode once more, but his mind cleared enough to see the damage around him and the look on his little brothers faces. Glass was all over the floor, multiple tables were destroyed, and claw marks littered the already worn out leather of the couch. But his brothers faces are what hurt him most. Donatello had his head lowered far, his chocolate brown eyes unseeing. His hands were curled into shaking fists, his body stiff with small tears dropping to the floor. Michelangelo was frozen on the ground, gazing wide eyed and terrified up at the eldest sibling. Tears were literally pouring down his cheeks, and he was trembling violently. Dear G-d. They had NEVER seen Leonardo, their sometimes most calmest, understand, older brother so...irate. Each of them knew how dangerous it was to get the eldest angry, but his anger had never been directed towards them. Leonardo held a blank expression, yet his eyes traveled in every other direction of the room, but at his two distressed siblings. But, before anything else could occur, the weakest, most hoarse and scratchy voice rang through the painful silence.  
"S-s-sto-op...f-fi-fight-in'"  
All three brothers stone paused, frozen with disbelief and terror. Raphael was basically a grey-green skeleton. All of his muscle mass was completely gone. His legs looked like sticks, where his arms were in a worse condition. There were bruises, slice wounds, stab wounds, nail marks, all over his body. His hands looked as if they had gone through a meat grinder. Sliced up, completely destroyed. A piece of his pale index finger was even coming off, and shaking horrendously. His dilated eyes were dry and rimmed with red, and the white area of the whole eye was blotched with a yellowish-brown colour in different spots. He looked absolutely terrible.  
Each had a different reaction to the terrible condition their brother was in. But it was safe to say that Leonardo's was the worst. Each sibling had eyes past their limits of normal. Gazing in horror and utter shock. Without even thinking, Leonardo began to take tiny steps towards his almost unrecognizable baby brother, his trembling hands reaching out.  
"R-Raphie..."  
Raphael hadn't had another dosage since Michelangelo left him in the bathroom, which was nearly three hours ago, leaving him with a severe chemical drug crash. He was weak beyond anything to repair, and could barely keep his eyes open. He had tried to leave, but the pressure of his brother being there and being so angry at him was too much for his already ailing heart, leading him into a panic attack, then the most agonizing seizure. The seizing hand ended once he heard the loudest crash of glass connecting to the stone floor, then the roaring shout of his eldest brother. He could make out that he were shouting about him, but most of it was muffled voices. He had never heard Leonardo ever release the sort of anger, not even during one of their world famous arguments. The red clad brother had to use every bit of strength he had left to muster to try and get to the them. And it confused him dearly. Why were the fighting about him if they hated him so dearly anyway. Raphael hadn't the strength left to stand anymore. He hadn't eaten or drank anything for over a month, and that put the most dangerous toll on his body. He barely had it in him, but he managed to crawl very slowly to were his brothers were, where he lie in Leonardo's arms now.

The turtle in blue held his baby brother close to his heart, clutching his frail frame with everything he had. Tears fell gently from his eyes, falling onto the once emerald turtles pale forehead. Raphael's red rimmed, heavily dilated eyes were hooded to mere slits, rolling in every direction, completely out of focus. Raphael took in deep gasps of air, his back arching slightly from each intake. Leonardo gripped his brothers boney, violently trembling, mangled hand, rocking him back and forth.  
"Raphie, who did this to you?"  
Raphael grasped weakly onto Leonardo's arm, arching his back sharply as he felt like he was losing precious oxygen.  
"I' wa' m'mm"  
Raphael had the strongest murmur or slur, it was difficult to understand anything he said. Leonardo leaned closer, so his forehead was touching Raphael's, sobbing lightly and his voice a low whisper.  
"Raph, I can't here you. Who did this to you?"  
The red clad warrior weakly reached his unoccupied hand up, using the remaining strength he had to grip his oldest brothers cheek.  
"L-L'o. I..h've ya b'ck, b'g br'th'r."  
The intense crash and lack of strength finally came to him full force, and the immediate eldest fell limp in his big brothers arms.

The muffled sound of beeping was heard directly next to his ear. His beautiful golden orbs opened, then reopened, over and over. Until he managed to make the slightest of slits, and progressing from there. The most darling feeling of thick soft blankets surrounded his senses. Raphael subconsciously sunk back into the dream of softness. His senses and feel were slowly returning to him as his eyes opened wider. The red clad warrior tiredly searched around the room, the beeping sound getting a bit louder, but becoming more soothing. It only took the immediate eldest a few moments to realise he was in the...lab? Why was he in the lab? Raphael tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot through his head, causing him to grunt loud and fall back. The immediate eldest raised his arm to try and cover his eyes, but then thats when something hit him in realisation. His arm was muscular, and...and he was his normal emerald colour. Raphael gasped softly as he threw the blanket off of himself. His whole body had its muscular frame. His skin was no longer a hideous grey-green, nor was it covered in scratch marks or, any kind of wound. And...his hands were no longer cut up, or shaking. The emerald ninja scrambled around for a mirror and checked his eyes. They were their normal shining gold colour. They were no longer dull, and no longer appeared haunted or lost. And, he felt hunger. He was sleepy. He was thirsty...no. Thats when it hit him even harder. He was healthy, and himself. No sign or trace of him ever even injecting himself with anything. The syringe holes around his now completely healed neck were all gone. His beautiful diamond eyes were enlarged greatly, a smile of pure happiness and disbelief written all over his face. But, before he could bring himself to celebrate, even a little, his immediate little brother calmly walked into the lab, a clipboard held in his grasp, and his bottom lip bitten in concentration, not even noticing Raphael until he said something.  
"D-Donnie!"  
Donatello didn't even get time to react as he was forcefully tackled to the ground. The purple clad brother was stunned for quite a moment, before he realised it was his, finally awake, big brother clutching to him. Sense flew back to Donatello, and the immediate youngest threw his olive arms back around his brother, clinging to him like a lifeline.  
"Raphie! I'm so happy your finally awake!"  
Both brothers pulled back enough to see eye to eye, both holding excitement in their souls. Raphael reached up, too relieved he possessed all of his strength, and cupped his little brothers face, letting a quick tear drip from his eye.  
"Oh, Don. Man...I..I love ya so much, baby brothah. I don' know if ya love me too, but, I love ya, Donnie."  
"Raph, of course I love you. Your my big brother. Me and Mikey's guardian angel. Why would you think I wouldn't love you?"  
Raphael's face changed from excitement, to confusion, as he arched an eye ridge.  
"What do ya mean? I though'...I though' ya hated me."  
"Raph, how could I ever bring myself to hate you? I love you, bro."  
Raphael was truly confused now. How is this possible? One moment, he's nearly 5 minutes away from dying, then next he's sitting here, healthy and all, and his brother actually loves him? Raphael sat wondering in silence for many moments, before Donatello gave him the answer he was searching for.  
"Raphie. You hit your head extra hard on a training run. You fell off of a building an couldn't catch yourself on anything. Its truly surprising that you don't have any kind of brain damage, let alone alive."  
Training run? What?  
"Well...den...how come I can't 'member nutin'?"  
"Well it would only make sense if you couldn't. The impact of the hit knocked out a good portion of your memory, about 2 weeks worth. Thats how long you've been out for anyway."  
Raphael had his lips puckered to the side, and his golden orbs crossed in confusion. Donatello arched his brows and chuckled lightly at the look.  
"Wai' wai' wai'. So. I didn' like...injec' myself wit nun', righ'?"  
"Inject yourself? With what?"  
Raphael threw his eyes to the side, nodding his head as if thinking of an explanation.  
"Well. Dere was dis one chemical stuff. An' it was like dis purpleish...black..stuff. And I injected inta mysel' ta make me feel...nun but happiness. Did I eva do dat? Or...or did I eva attack,  
Mikey..and...suffocate 'im?"  
Donatello closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, helping up Raphael and placing him back on the bed and heading over to his computer, checking over brain patterns and charts.  
"You were dreaming, Raph. None of that happened. Mikey's fine. You never woke up after you hit your head, it was an instant knock out. So you couldn't of attacked him, nor inject yourself with anything. And we all CERTAINLY don't hate you. We never could."  
Raphael rested his head heavily against his pillow. He so badly didn't want to believe it. But. This was Donatello. The dude even smarter than Baxter Stockman, and Steve Jobs themselves, and never told a lie. So. It had to be true! He was only dreaming! Then at that very moment, Leonardo, Raphael's only and most beloved older brother slowly walked into the lab, stress clear in his posture, also obvious to Raphael.  
"Hey, Donnie. I uhh...I brought that blanket you asked for. You said it was for Raph."  
Donatello turned to his big brother his gentle, adourable smile held on his face.  
"Yea. Why don't you go ahead and hand it to him."  
Leonardo raised his brow at that. And why was Donatello smiling? This was not the time to be smiling. At all.  
"Donnie. Raph's asleep. He's been that way for the past 2 weeks now. How am I supposed to just "hand" it to him?"  
Donatello shrugged as he turned back to his clipboard and monitor.  
"Well, thats something Raph would find stupid to ask. Huh, Raphie?"  
"Pssh...yea."  
Leonardo's black pearl eyes shot open at the sound of Raphael's voice. The eldest turned his body to face in the direction of a cockily smirking Raphael.  
"Raph! Thank goodness your alright! Dear G-d, I was so worried about you, little brother! I thought I'd lost you!"  
Leonardo had the emerald turtle held tightly in his arms, his figure shaking in relief. The strong love was radiating off of Leonardo like the sun, and Raphael couldn't help but chuckle as he returned the embrace, tightening it at the familiar feel of his eldest brothers warmth.  
"I missed ya, Leo. I missed all of ya guys. Where's dat lil chuckle head?"

BANG

"RAPHIE!"  
Leonardo stepped out of the way just in time to avoid the torpedo Michelangelo. Raphael grunted at the impact of having the wind knocked out of him, and arms squeezing him so tightly, but made an effort to return his baby brothers embrace the best he could.  
"Oh, Raphie! M'so happy your ok, Dude! I thought you were dead, bro!"  
I'm too young for you to die! Ah, man! I love you, Raphie! Don't ever do that to me again."  
Raphael felt more pairs of arms wrap around him. He didn't mind letting another quick tear fall, but that was it. His brothers loved him. They never avoided him, they never hated him. He never attacked Mikey, and they loved him. And thats exactly how he remembered how they were. He loved his brothers too.


End file.
